Emily Weiner on Ilana M. Horwitz’s “Poverty and Jewish Community”

To the Editor:

As I read Ilana M. Horwitz’s excellent article “Poverty and Jewish Community; Dispatches from the Margins,” the menorah previously owned by my friend Susan Silverman, of blessed memory, was on a table next to me. I had left it there to remind me to clean off the wax before putting it away until next Hanukkah.

Thinking about Susan, I was disappointed that the article left out one of the groups that lack access to Jewish communal support: LGBTQ+ Jews, who have often fled the synagogues of their youth (and sometimes have cut ties with their birth families) for many reasons including the Jewish community’s intense focus on, and pressure to participate in, heterosexual marriages in which the spouses have children; anti-gay teachings in our tradition; discrimination against our intimate relationships; and lack of welcome.

I would like to suggest an additional “key intervention.” But first, a story: In the years after the 1969 Stonewall Riots, Susan and I were both lesbian leaders in New York City’s emerging movement for gay and lesbian liberation. In 2014, when she retired after a long career as a social worker, Susan moved from Brooklyn to Philadelphia’s “gayborhood,” into the newly built John C. Anderson Apartments, the first federally funded LGBTQ+ affordable senior-living community in the nation. Susan died in August 2022, at age 73, after a short, acute illness and decades of chronic health problems. We spoke weekly during the last few years of Susan’s life, and I visited her in Philadelphia several times from my home in Washington State.

The myth that all gays are rich is as false as the myth that all Jews are rich. Compared with the general population, seniors in the  LGBTQ+ community are less likely to have grown children or other family support.

Susan had never had a high-paying job, and she didn’t have children. In retirement, she relied on Social Security, food stamps, a small pension, the mutual-aid practices she was a leader in creating at Anderson Apartments, and well-honed skills in the frugal use of her limited resources. A primary reason she was able to consistently prepare herself nutritious meals was that she received food deliveries from several social-service agencies.

The food boxes that she told me about most often — because they made her so happy — included kosher food and Jewish holiday items. (From my research, I’m guessing that these boxes came from the Jewish Relief Agency.) Though Susan did not belong to a synagogue as an adult or attend services, she always had a strong Jewish identity. She certainly didn’t keep kosher, but those boxes of kosher food and items for the Jewish holidays made her feel cared for in a way no other support did. When she talked about them, her accent from growing up in Queens became more pronounced, and she used more Yiddish words.

The intervention I would add to the list in the article is: Reach out to LGBTQ+ organizations and individuals in your community.

Perhaps the way to spread information about the availability of support for vulnerable Jews who need services might be marching in Pride parades and having a table during Pride fairs.

Perhaps synagogues that welcome LGBTQ+ people could communicate to the LGBTQ+ community that lots has changed in the past few decades, with many rabbis now performing gay weddings. Other changes that might make a positive difference include substituting “parents” for “fathers and mothers” in prayers; offering “B-Mitzvah” ceremonies; and starting to explore how to use the newly developed grammar of non-gendered Hebrew. Those who fled Jewish community organizations might be empowered to consider new choices if they have this information.

The best people to ask for advice on how to accomplish this intervention are the LGBTQ+ people who are already participating in Jewish organizations, despite the challenges. Such conversations would surely lead to creative ideas for building connections with other LGBTQ+ Jews, whether things are going well for them or they are in need of support.